[makePeace]

We started as colleagues in the same office,clubbing and house parties got us pretty close.I knew he was in a committed distance relationship but mutual interest resulted in friends with benefits,eventually we both fell for each other but later he realized in some conversation with his girlfriend that he is doing wrong to her.I feel the same.we decided to separate our ways after this but he still observes me and claims to be there to help me out of the situation.I dont know what to do..i feel depressed..i cant concentrate on my work.is he playing mind games?

[AskApril Masini]

This shouldn’t be about what he wants — it should be about what YOU want. 😉 You got involved in a friends with benefits with relationship with someone you work with who’s seeing someone long-distance. It sounds like you really want a commitment, and knowing that you should look for someone who wants the same thing. When you start out as a friend with benefits, you’re not treating yourself like a girlfriend, so it’s hard to expect anyone else to treat you like one. Be the person you want someone else to see you as. 😉 If you want monogamy, date people who are looking for the same thing. And if you’re distracted by relationships at work, you should probably only date outside the office because the problem with office romance is that if it doesn’t work out, you have to see the person every day. 😳

Instead of focusing on his playing games — focus on your future. Start looking to date outside the office, stay busy and involved, make dates with friends and let everyone outside the office know you’re single and available. Have parties at your home, accept invitations and get out there — shop, go to museums and concerts, take classes, volunteer, join a new gym, and be busy and productive. 🙂 That’s not just the way to get over heartache — it’s the way to meet someone new. 😎

[Sally]

When you mix real feelings with something that was never meant to last, it leaves you stuck in this weird in-between. You’re hurting, he’s guilty, and no one’s really choosing anything.

He’s not playing mind games. He’s just trying to be the “good guy” in a situation where there really isn’t one. He doesn’t want to lose you, but he also doesn’t want to leave his girlfriend. So he hovers watching you, checking on you, comforting you without actually stepping toward you.

That kind of attention feels like love, but it keeps you stuck. You can’t heal while he’s still showing up like that.
If you two aren’t together, then you need space. Real space. Not talk-at-work space. Not “I’m here for you” space.

It hurts, I know. But this is the kind of pain that only gets better when you stop waiting for him to decide

[Tara]

Here’s the truth, you weren’t “two people who accidentally fell for each other.” You were two people who knowingly built an affair on top of someone else’s relationship, and now you’re shocked that the foundation is crumbling under you. He didn’t suddenly “realize” he was doing something wrong; he always knew. He just didn’t care until the guilt finally outweighed the thrill. And now he’s scrambling to look like the noble one while you’re left drowning in the emotional wreckage.

He’s not observing you because he cares. He’s observing you because he wants to control the narrative. He wants you sad enough to still be attached, but not loud enough to ruin his reputation or his primary relationship. His “I’m here to help you” act is nothing more than a guilt-management strategy. He wants to feel like a good man while still keeping you emotionally tethered. That’s not compassion. That’s manipulation dressed up as concern.

You’re depressed because you’re waiting for a man who already made his choice, and it wasn’t you. He chose the comfort of his long-distance relationship, the stability of not being the bad guy, and the ease of pretending the affair “just happened.” You’re the only one still sitting in the emotional rubble pretending there’s something left to salvage.

[Member]

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