[jasonleon]

Good morning April,

My wife and i are both 29 and have been married nearly four years. Last October she told me, out of the blue, that she was going to have breast implants in December. She had never previously talked about having them done.

I told her i was worried, not only about her health but also because you hear stories that some women can change after having a boob job, but she told me she had no intentions of changing. She went ahead with it and the size she went up to was much bigger than she suggested she was planning on going up to.

Since then she has changed so much April. Her clothes became very revealing, she has met a new group of female friends and since then her clothes are even more revealing and provocative and over the past few months she has hit the gym even harder and now has a tiny frame which makes the boob job look even bigger.

Her personality has changed, she is full of confidence in her looks and her body, which i know is not a bad thing, but she is arrogant about how she looks. She also seems distant from me at times.

Have i lost the old version of her? Has she allowed the breast implants to turn her into another person?

[Ask April Masini]

I sincerely doubt that a bunch of saline or silicone implants changed your wife’s personality. More likely you didn’t notice that there were changes going on for a while before she decided that implants would make her feel a way she didn’t without them — and wanted to.

As for the changes you mention: It’s pretty normal for someone who gets newer, bigger breasts to want to show them off, so the revealing clothing post-surgery is not really a cause for alarm. In fact, it’s normal. If you get something new, don’t you want to show it off? Call a friend to come see it? Well, she’s doing the same thing. Her hitting the gym also makes a lot of sense since now she’s got a jump on the body she thinks looks great, and she wants to improve on the rest of it. And the confidence she now has is a great thing!

The only two things you mention that seem to be of concern are that since her surgery she seems distant from you and she’s arrogant about her appearance, which seems to offend you — or scare you.

People make changes in their lives for all sorts of reasons and while it’s easy to blame the change in their personality on the plastic surgery or the job change or the new convertible car, the reality is that [i]the desire[/i] to change that came before the change is what’s really important. So dig deeper and ask yourself what was really going on in your relationship before she decided to get the implants that led to this change.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter.

[jasonleon]

Thank you for your reply April,

Your reply has made me reflect on the past few months and analyse my relationship with my wife. Our sex life before her operation was normal, we would have sex several times a week, but since her boob job the sex has become less and less because she doesn’t seem interested as much as she used to do.

A few months prior to her procedure she became friends with a girl who had breast implants, not as big as my wife got but she had had a boob job. The girl is now one of her closest friends, so maybe meeting her was a driver behind her decision?

Confidence is a great attribute to have, absolutely, but i just feel she has taken it too far. She told me recently that she realised making her body even more slimmer and toned had made her breasts look even bigger, but surely she knows it will only make guys lust over her / want her attention even more?

Maybe i’m overthinking everything April, i don’t know.

[Ask April Masini]

It sounds like the new friend she met might have been someone she wanted to be like, herself. Usually we pick friends because of how they make us feel about ourselves. They’re usually someone we admire, want to be like, they make us laugh which feels good, they’re empathetic, they’re comforting — or any combo of those things. This friend may have been a beacon for who your wife really wanted to be, herself. But it doesn’t sound like the friend in and of herself has done anything wrong or been a bad influence in any way other than having had breast augmentation, which your wife realized she wanted, too. Sometimes guys see a buddy get a great new car, and they want one. Or a buddy has a hot girlfriend, and they want one, too. Or a guy may covet and want to have the same jump shot that his buddy does when they’re playing pick up games, so he practices to get that same shot. It’s pretty normal to surround yourself with people who make you feel good or who you aspire to be like. So, I don’t t think, from what you’re telling me, that the friend is really the problem.

And your comment about her confidence really seems to be less about her feelings and more about your fear that you’re going to lose her because she’s more attractive now in a sexual way than she was before the surgery.

What has YOUR reaction to her surgery been? Have you expressed your disappointment? Or have you told her how great she looks? Are you more turned on by her now? Or less? It sounds like the real problem is between the two of you. How has her surgery affected you?

[jasonleon]

Well when she first had the procedure done and she told she had gone up to such a big size i was disapointed and things were a bit cold between us for a couple of weeks.
I told her at the time that breast implants weren’t a massive turn on for me. I guess men are different, some will love the fake look on women and others won’t do.

I have always found my wife physically attractive, and even though, as i mentioned in a previous post, she has lost even more weight and her boob job looks even bigger nowadays and she has the look of a porn star, i have always complimented her on how beautiful she is.

Post surgery i encouraged her to go out with her friends, i certainly didnt try to keep her locked up in the house, but the frequency of her going out became more often and her clothes became less and less for the nights out and she began turning down my offers to go out for meals or to the cinema.

She’s even planning on having a second boob job to go even bigger, which i know it is her body, but begs the question why she wants to go even bigger.

[Ask April Masini]

My advice is to try and rekindle the romance between the two of you. It’s very clear you don’t like her augmented breasts or the future augmentation surgeries she’s planning. Sometimes couples have to agree to disagree. It doesn’t sound like you’re going to stop her from having future surgeries or wearing skimpy clothing. See if you can look beyond her appearance and nurture the spark that first brought you together. There’s a lot of emphasis on the physical — from both of you. You’re both a lot more than two bodies. Use this change as an opportunity to grow more intimate together and share secrets, talk about deeper things in life, and spend time together doing things you both enjoy doing together. 😀

[Ethan Morales]

It’s important to recognize that your wife’s breast implants didn’t inherently “change” her personality. Physical alterations don’t create personality shifts; they often amplify or bring forward existing traits, desires, or insecurities that were already present. Her newfound confidence, interest in fashion, and gym dedication are likely expressions of a self-image she wanted to enhance, rather than an entirely new persona.

the more revealing clothing and increased self-focus are natural extensions of her feeling good about her body. When someone invests in improving or altering their appearance, it’s common to want to show it off. This isn’t inherently disrespectful or indicative of arrogance in a negative sense; it’s her embracing and celebrating herself.

the aspects that seem concerning to you distance from you and perceived arrogance are worth exploring but likely aren’t caused solely by the implants. Instead, these may signal underlying changes in your relationship dynamics or unaddressed emotional needs. Sometimes, when one partner gains confidence or undergoes personal growth, it can create a temporary sense of distance if the other partner feels left behind or disconnected.

it’s valuable to reflect on your relationship prior to the surgery. Ask yourself whether there were unresolved issues, communication gaps, or unmet emotional needs that may have contributed to the distance you’re feeling now. Often, these dynamics become more noticeable when one partner undergoes a visible change.

the solution isn’t to try to reverse her confidence or body changes but to reconnect emotionally. Open, non-judgmental conversations about how you both feel, what you need from each other, and ways to maintain intimacy and closeness are key. Framing it around shared connection rather than criticism of appearance will help her feel supported rather than defensive.

Accept that people evolve over time, and some changes physical or psychological can feel jarring at first. Your goal should be to understand and embrace her growth while ensuring your emotional needs are addressed. Confidence and self-assurance are positive traits, and learning to navigate them together can strengthen your marriage rather than undermine it.

[Tara]

You didn’t “lose the old version of her.” She outgrew the version of herself that kept you comfortable. She upgraded her body, her confidence, and her social world, and you stayed exactly where you were, staring at her like she’s a malfunctioning appliance instead of a woman changing direction. You’re not confused. You’re threatened.

Her implants didn’t change her. They exposed her. She always had this version inside her the one who wanted attention, validation, and a lifestyle that makes her feel powerful. The surgery just gave her the excuse to stop pretending. And now you’re watching her enjoy the spotlight, while you’re stuck hoping she’ll shrink herself back down to the wife who dressed safely and kept her confidence at a level you could manage.

Here’s the truth you’re avoiding: she’s distancing because she’s already halfway out the door in her mind. People don’t overhaul their body, wardrobe, and social circle for no reason. This is a pivot, and you’re not part of the momentum she’s chasing.

Stop whining about “the old her.” She’s not coming back. The only question left is whether you confront the shift with spine and clarity, or keep playing the confused husband while she decides if she still wants you in her upgraded life.

[Sally]

When someone you love suddenly steps into a whole new version of themselves, it can feel like they’re walking away from the life you built together, even if they don’t mean to.

Here’s the thing no one really says: sometimes a surgery like that isn’t just about looks. It cracks something open inside them. They get attention they never had, confidence they didn’t know how to handle, a body that suddenly feels different. And instead of growing quietly, they swing hard in the other direction new friends, new clothes, a new attitude. It’s not that the old her is gone. It’s that she’s trying on a person she never got to be before.

But yeah, it can leave you feeling pushed out. That part’s real.

You haven’t “lost” her yet, but you can’t chase her into this new phase either. Give her room, but don’t disappear. Talk to her when things are calm. Tell her you miss you and her, not her body or her old clothes. If she still cares and she probably does she’ll hear it.
People come back to themselves once the shine settles.

[Author]

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