[lesley26]

a few months ago a guy asked me out.yo cut story short,he asked me out on a monday,on the tues his ex begs him to get back with her after dumping him 5 months before and refusing his advances.she dumped him 2 months before she gave birth to his child.
is it just a coicidence she wants him back after he asks me out or did he tell her about me and that got her panicking.hes told me he wants kid to have family which i fully respect but he has sinse came on to me,saying though things are better with gfriend and baby,he isnt fully happy as she is acting same way as she did before.he says she claimed she was depressed,which is why she had dumped him before baby was born but the way he has described her she didnt seem depressed to me(i work in mental health).was that just an excuse.alot of my friends think he has to have told her about me for he to suddenly want her back.im too scared to bring it up with him and i have sinse lost his number anyway.
is there a future for them?will he come crawling back once the problems come back in their relationship(he says she refused to even talk about what happened other that say she was depressed)?thia happened about 6 months ago and though i have dated sinse,i still really think of this guy.
please help me

[Ask April Masini]

I’m sorry, but you need to forget this guy. He has a child with his girlfriend, and he’s trying to work things out with them to give his baby a family. His obligations should be elsewhere at this time, not with you. He did the right thing by trying to work things out with his girlfriend with whom he has a new baby. It’s not surprising things are rocky with them — they often are with couples who are not married and have a new baby. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but you’re better off with someone who’s fully available to you. Seriously. You really don’t have matching luggage with this guy — his emotional baggage is not compatible with yours.

You may be right that his then ex-girlfriend only wanted him back because he was about to go out on a first date with you, but that doesn’t change his behavior or his obligations. In a way, you may have given that family a gift by accepting the date from him — even though you never got to go on it! If his almost dating you was all it took for his ex-girlfriend and baby mama to realize she wanted him back, then that’s lucky for all three of them. And you! Having a baby out of wedlock (such an old fashioned term, but it seems to fit here!), is difficult, and the ex-girlfriend may very well have had post-partum depression and a giant sense of overwhelm, as well as anxiety about not being married to her baby’s father, but the bottom line is [i]you don’t know[/i]. You weren’t there. You’re getting the information second hand. Even if you work in mental health, the facts are important, and you just have your feelings, and what this guy has told you.

So take what you do know — that this guy asked you out, cancelled your date and went back to his ex-girlfriend and baby mama with their months old child to try and make their family work — and cut your emotional ties with him.

If what you’re really doing is trying to fool yourself into thinking that your not having a boyfriend is because you don’t have that guy, wake up and smell the coffee. Finding Mr. Right takes work, and you’ve got to play the dating game well to win it! My guess is that this guy really isn’t the problem. The problem is that you want a boyfriend and haven’t found him yet. Sometimes people try to manufacture reasons for a problem, but this guy isn’t the reason for your problem.

Do check out my book, Think & Date Like A Man, which will help you figure out what you do want in a man, a relationship and from yourself. The book will also help you step by step to get what you want — and I’m quite sure that that is someone who is available to you as a boyfriend. You deserve that much!

[Author]

Posts