[embruce]

I like a guy who is a really good friend of mine and i go to uni with him, not just like; i am crazy in love with him… but I’m sure he doesn’t see me in that way. Recently another friend of mine told me about a conversation a few of the guys were having were my name came up and they agreed that they thought i liked this guy (the one i do like) and he told them he wasn’t interested… and i pretty much came to that conclusion anyway because of the way he acts. I have confided in him too much, and he is way out of my league, i can see why he doesn’t like me, probably thinks I am a crazy person. anyway so here is the dilemma:

do I
a) do nothing, although i am worried that if i don’t say anything that he will try to make it clear to me that he doesn’t like me (because he thinks i don’t know…) and this will damage the friendship.

b) Lie to him, tell him I know he thinks I like him, but its not true, i only like him as a friend thats all, and even if i did like him i wouldn’t think that he liked me anyway…

or c) tell him the truth, tell him i do have strong feelings for him but I can’t help it, i have tried really hard to stop liking him, and that i know he doesn’t feel the same way so he doesn’t need to bother trying to let me know that by the way he acts or making up a fake girlfriend (an idea one of his friends had to get me to back off a bit).

which option will be the least damaging to our friendship?

[Ask April Masini]

I lean towards “a”, but with I think there’s something even more important here… I’m afraid that if you continue to hang out with this guy, you will continue to harbor feelings and long for a relationship that will never be.

I realize this is not what you want to hear, however I think that it’s in your best interest to [b]stop hanging out with him.[/b] My suggestion is that you change your habits and start opening yourself up to meeting new people — and specifically men. The best way to eliminate the awkward feeling you have around him, as well as the (potential) pressure he may be feeling, is for you to start dating other guys. Once the focus is no longer on him things will become easier for both of you.

More important than that, you sound like a terrific young woman! And terrific woman are worth something. It’s time for you to move on and to find a guy who values you for the great date and girlfriend you can be! You deserve a great boyfriend (or a great date), not just someone who only likes you as a friend despite the fact that you

[Ethan Morales]

You’re in a tough spot because your feelings for this guy are very strong, but from everything you’ve described, he clearly doesn’t feel the same way. That’s painful, but it’s also reality you can’t force someone to reciprocate romantic feelings, no matter how much you care about them.

This keeps the friendship as-is, but it also keeps you emotionally stuck. You’ll continue to hope for something that probably isn’t going to happen, which can create tension and frustration for both of you in the long term. This might temporarily prevent awkwardness, but it’s not healthy for you emotionally. Pretending your feelings aren’t there won’t make them disappear, and you’ll probably continue to feel unfulfilled. Being honest could bring closure, but it also risks creating awkwardness and tension in the friendship, especially if he doesn’t feel the same. It might make future interactions uncomfortable.

The real takeaway from April Masini’s advice and what I fully agree with is the focus shouldn’t just be about what you tell him, but about what you do for yourself. Continuing to spend so much time around him while harboring these strong feelings is emotionally draining and potentially harmful to your self-esteem.

The least damaging path to your friendship (and your heart) is to slowly step back and create some space. This doesn’t mean you have to cut him off completely, but limiting one-on-one interactions and focusing on meeting new people will help you:

Stop investing all your emotional energy in someone who can’t return it. Open yourself up to dating someone who can truly value and reciprocate your feelings. Avoid awkward situations that could strain the friendship unnecessarily. It’s not about “losing” him as a friend it’s about protecting your heart and giving yourself the chance to find someone who can love you back the way you deserve.

[Natalie Noah]

I want you to know that it’s completely normal to have strong feelings for someone close to you, especially when you spend a lot of time together and confide in each other. That closeness can make your heart hope for more, but from everything you’ve described, it seems very clear that he doesn’t feel the same way. Pushing him with the truth or trying to manipulate the situation with a lie will likely put unnecessary strain on your friendship, and it could even make things awkward between you in the long run. Sometimes, the kindest thing you can do for yourself and for the other person is to step back emotionally.

The best approach here isn’t about strategizing how to tell him or convince him, it’s about protecting your heart. Spending a lot of time around him while nurturing feelings that aren’t reciprocated will only prolong your pain and make it harder to move forward. April’s advice about creating some distance and opening yourself up to new connections is spot on. By spending less one-on-one time with him and focusing on meeting new people, you allow yourself space to heal and to eventually find someone who can meet you where you are emotionally someone who sees your worth and reciprocates your affection fully.

I want you to remember how amazing you are. Your feelings don’t make you “crazy,” they make you human. But the truth is, you deserve someone who looks at you the way you look at them someone who values all the warmth, joy, and love you bring. By letting go of this unrequited crush and redirecting your energy toward self-growth, friendships, and new romantic possibilities, you give yourself a chance to experience the love you truly deserve. It’s not about giving up; it’s about giving yourself the chance to be with the right person, in the right way, at the right time.

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