[bigheartonsleeve]

Hello everyone,

I’m K. Brand new to the site. Have enjoyed reading your posts but now its time for me to tell about my situation. I’m almost 23 and I’ve been in a few serious relationships. None like I have now. I am so comfortable and secure and appreciated, adored, and in LOVE!
-Been dating for 7 months long distance for most of it (4 hours) See each other every other week
– Parents & family love him/ love me.
– We have talked about our future/ moving in/ children etc. And that sounds great…. BUT

I also got a job offer to teach english in Korea for a one year contract. I have been thinking HARD on this… About my own desires to travel and experience the world. that I’ve EARNED this opportunity and how I could grow from it…. He can’t come with me. He’s applying to med school to be a doctor.

Also, I remember how much I’ve suffered when I ended a relationship for a selfish reason. And the advice people say, “Once you love someone, Don’t ever let them go”…. I think about how we tell each other “I love you more than the world!”… and here I am wondering if its the world I want to see more than I want to settle down and be there with him through his own aspirations through Med school….

I fell like I’m in a catch 22. What’s your advice?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

When you discuss your options with your boyfriend, what does he suggest you do? Since you’ve talked about having children together and moving in together, is there a timetable — or is this just fantasy talk? Does he want you to go for a year? A lot of your decision hinges on whether he is ready to commit to you or not. How does he feel that you fit into his medical school plans?

Sacrifice is part of any relationship, but before you make a sacrifice, make sure it’s worth it. The trick about taking a good risk is thinking through the what ifs. If you give up this job in Korea and then things don’t work out with your boyfriend, will you think you took a good risk? If you go to Korea and then lose him will he really have been “the one”?

[bigheartonsleeve]

He does not want me to go. He said he would be very sad. That it’s hard enough when we go 2 or 3 weeks without being in each other’s presence. And I agree that it’s hard. Our talks about the future are kind of vague but its because the future is not written. He hasn’t been accepted into a med school program yet and I just finished my undergrad and moved to my hometown as we were getting to know each other. Our connection was still so strong that we continued to grow attached despite the distance. I fear he will see this as me pulling away –but I know I want to be with him absolutely. And he has committed to me entirely. He has included me in every step of applications –making sure I’d be willing to move where he is applying to. He talks about being able to buy us a house in a matter of years. He talks about how good he will be to me when I’m pregnant… He is simply the best… Here is my pro and con….

Going to Korea

PROS
Satisfy my adventurist spirit
Not wonder What If I had…
Learn a lot about another country/culture
Get experience in education/ work with children
Earn 48,000 in a year
Live in my own apartment –get out of Fresno/living with dad sitch

CONS
I will not know anyone
Jeopardize my relationship with Lewis
No sex
Dead end job
Come back to being unemployed like millions of Americans
Time I could be spending building a life with the love of my life
Time I could be spending moving up in a company, or studying for GREs, or making something positive IN America.

Staying with Lewie

PROS
I love him and it’s my natural instinct to see that through
We will have a beautiful and successful life
I already have a good job with an airline I can see through—many opportunities for raises and advancement
Doors will always open; I don’t have to leave the country to know that.
Lewie and I could spend a lot of time together to ensure we’re ready for moving in together when he starts med school in September 2012.
He is also a travel enthusiast so we could do it together
The job is always hiring so I could go back to it if things didn’t work out.

CONS
I may wonder about the experiences I could have had in Korea while I’m working hard and waiting for him to finish med school.

I’m pretty much answering my own question that I think he is worth it. But I just need some support on the decision I guess because SO MANY of my friends don’t get it or agree. They thing we are too young and NONE of my decisions should be influenced on a petty boyfriend when in our early twenties…
But I’m in love. And I want to see what we can be together.

[bigheartonsleeve]

He does not want me to go. He said he would be very sad. That it’s hard enough when we go 2 or 3 weeks without being in each other’s presence. And I agree that it’s hard. Our talks about the future are kind of vague but its because the future is not written. He hasn’t been accepted into a med school program yet and I just finished my undergrad and moved to my hometown as we were getting to know each other. Our connection was still so strong that we continued to grow attached despite the distance. I fear he will see this as me pulling away –but I know I want to be with him absolutely. And he has committed to me entirely. He has included me in every step of applications –making sure I’d be willing to move where he is applying to. He talks about being able to buy us a house in a matter of years. He talks about how good he will be to me when I’m pregnant… He is simply the best… Here is my pro and con….

Going to Korea

PROS
Satisfy my adventurist spirit
Not wonder What If I had…
Learn a lot about another country/culture
Get experience in education/ work with children
Earn 48,000 in a year
Live in my own apartment –get out of Fresno/living with dad sitch

CONS
I will not know anyone
Jeopardize my relationship with Lewis
No sex
Dead end job
Come back to being unemployed like millions of Americans
Time I could be spending building a life with the love of my life
Time I could be spending moving up in a company, or studying for GREs, or making something positive IN America.

Staying with Lewie

PROS
I love him and it’s my natural instinct to see that through
We will have a beautiful and successful life
I already have a good job with an airline I can see through—many opportunities for raises and advancement
Doors will always open; I don’t have to leave the country to know that.
Lewie and I could spend a lot of time together to ensure we’re ready for moving in together when he starts med school in September 2012.
He is also a travel enthusiast so we could do it together
The job is always hiring so I could go back to it if things didn’t work out.

CONS
I may wonder about the experiences I could have had in Korea while I’m working hard and waiting for him to finish med school.

I’m pretty much answering my own question that I think he is worth it. But I just need some support on the decision I guess because SO MANY of my friends don’t get it or agree. They thing we are too young and NONE of my decisions should be influenced on a petty boyfriend when in our early twenties…

[April Masini, your AskApril]

When will he know if he’s been accepted to medical school or not? Where has he applied? How many schools has he applied to? Do you think he’s serious enough to propose marriage in order to give you a more serious promise for what you’d be giving up? He said he’d be sad if you left, but what is he willing to do to make your life better if you sacrifice for him? 😕 I know you think he’s everything right now, but the reality is you’ve only been dating for seven months. There is a chance, that you’ve ignored in your very good pro/con list, that you may realize after dating him for more than a few more months that he’s not the one for you. Right now it seems like you’d be doing the sacrificing and he won’t be doing any. If he wants you to stay, will he make a sacrifice or a schedule or a greater commitment in order for you to feel more comfortable staying home that?

[bigheartonsleeve]

He is applying to all schools in our state, and one out of state. He submits it in June, which is also when he is graduating from Undergrad (he is 22, a year younger than me). By Sept/Oct he will get letters for secondary applications (more essays) and request to Interview. By March/April he will have acceptance letters. School would begin September 2012. At this point my thoughts are that I want to stick around while he is still free before med school begins so we can enjoy each other. Going to Korea while he is in med school would seem like better timing because he will be so consumed with it and won’t have very much time for me then anyway. He did agree and would be open to us talking about that and says that he recognizes that I deserve to have exciting and fun experiences.

Marriage is not something I want for us right now. It’s something we talk about being right down the road (he has mentioned that we will be married before he finishes med school so within 5 years or so), but for right now that would be rushing into it. I know we haven’t been together very long and that being long distance makes things seem even more honey moony every time we are together but we have had our share of conflicts that we have handled very well. And I want to move forward in a way that shows him I am serious and committed to the relationship. Is that so wrong? Is it because I am young? What’s with everyone acting like you can’t fall in love and find the one in your twenties?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Since you’re very clear that you don’t want marriage right now, and he’s clear that he sees you two getting married within five years from now, then it seems like your going to Korea now for your career is a good idea. One year of long distance at this time in your lives may be a good move.

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