[js1585]

It’s always hard going back out with an ex. People change though there is always the wandering thought in the back of their head reminding them of why you broke up and them wondering if you are going to treat them the same again.

I myself have been in his position before so I can speak from experience, by your actions when you were going out the last time it sounds like your relationship got too deep and the only way to cope was for him to take it out on you. To stop himself loving you he had to make himself hate you, imagine after you broke up he’d been making himself hate you for all those months. He was making himself hate you so that he wouldn’t be sorry that you broke up, even though deep down during the relationship before he cracked his heart had already been broken by you and the first cut on a heart hurts the most, I’m guessing as you were in high school you were each other first love and no body forgets that.

What I’m trying to say is that you’ll never be able to change him relationships change people, you learn from experiences, for me I had to find someone else i truely trusted before i could let them in my life and I’m guessing for him he will need to get out of his head all up the built hatred and you have to build and earn his trust because that is what was lost from the last time you were together. Earning trust takes time so give him it, it’s going to be hard because you live so far apart and as much as you love him you have to be prepared in case things don’t work out. In my experience my ex who treated me badly cam back to me a year later and begged me to go back out with him, I wasnt sure how I felt about him I still loved him, but I did not trust him, I spent the whole time trying to convince myself I hated him so that I wouldnt love him. I told him it would take time before we could get back together properly because of trust, but when we finally got back together it was never the same, the relationship lasted a month before i called it off. I came to realise that we had both changed, grown up and were different people and although as much as I loved him I was not in love with him and that is something that was probably never going to change.

I don’t know your full situation but I hope you understand what I’ve written and it helps you to understand him in order to help him.

All the best

-Jen-

[js1585]

This is tough question, if she is your friend and you respect her you would not go out with her ex bf though if you have got strong feelings for him and he still hasa strong feelings for you and you really want to get together with him then speak to your friend tell her how you feel. Yes it will probably be awkward at first but if you have a chance for an amazing relationship with this guy is it not worth it? that is the morally right thing to do if you really like him. The could go behind her back and go out with him… but if your relationship got more serious she would eventually find out about you and her ex and would hate you for not telling her and going behind her back and you would lose a friend. Friends are very important they always stick by you whereas bf come and go so if she is a true good friend to you maybe you should give her ex a miss, ther’s plenty more fish in the sea. Though if you think about how you became good friends with his gf… was it so you could get closer to her ex bf? because that would show that she is not really a true friend.

Personally I would always get the all clear from a friend before I could date their ex-bf as most girls still feel it’s their property. So if you really value her as a friend and see yourself and her ex having a good relationship, go for it!

Hope this helps 🙂

[js1585]

hmmm… having a relationship with a boss is never easy and although you say things between your work and leisure time are completely separate. Though you have not been having this relationship long, from experience I know that it eventually merges and the fact you work together and see each other in your spare time means that you have no real time apart from each other which can cause strain on the relationship. Also eventually people at work will start to know about you dating the boss and so will notice if you get any specail treatment. Obviously your boss would be professional and would not give you preferential treatment and be bias towards you though if you get promotions or anything good, even if you are the best worker all your other co-workers will think you gained it because of your relationship with the boss, this would cause friction between you and the other co-workers. Also another eventuality of the whole situation would be that you do go out with your boss and everything is great and then you fall out and break up, you could be treated worse by your boss and things would be extremely awkward between you.

Bascially I am trying to say that relationships with bosses are complicated there are so many variables so many different situations to consider, but I would say is that most relationships within work where one is the boss rarely work out. Someone eventually moves jobs to help the relationship. The question I’m asking you is, is he worth giving up your job for? and if no, what is the point continuing with your fling? Why not pull out before it becomes to deep?

Hope this helps 🙂

[js1585]

Hey, it looks like you’ve got yourself in a little bit of a mess. First thing to understand is that the guy your having an affair with is always going to put his family first, as you said his daughter had a bad upbringing, her father probably feels bad for that and guilty and would do anything to rid himself of that guilt so he will do anything to keep her happy, even if it is staying with this woman which you say he is not in love with anymore. The guy your with, although claims to love you in reality you’ve only been seeing eachother 3months, I’m guessing your guy likes the security of having his partner and his and her daughters, it creates a family which is far more stable than a relationship. Men like to have the cake and eat it, meaning he loves the security of the relationship he has with his partner though also loves the thrill of getting with you, as it’s not allowed, in a way your his mistress, he may think he loves you but in reality he probably just loves easy sex which is probably better and more lustful than the sex he’s getting with his partner as it’s not allowed.

I would suggest the best thing to do is to tell him one last time that you love him though you cannot ruin his relationship with his daughter. As if he suddenly started going out with you after his partner the daughter would hate you anyway knowing that you were the ‘other woman’ and would hold no respect for you what so ever. The best thing would to tell your guy that you want all the messing around to be over and it doesnt matter how much you feel for each other it would never work. If the circumstances were different it could have worked. You should ask him not to contact you and to let you move on.

Yes what I wrote probably sounds harsh to you and you’ll probably be crying and thinking about him for atleast a month after breaking off contact with him. But in the end of the day you’ll be able to continue with your career with no distractions and find a real man with no loose ends to lie up.

Hope this helps, and good luck 🙂

[js1585]

hey,
I was in the same situation last summer, me and my bf broke up after 2 years and we never properly broke up, we just broke up because he moved away. I understand how you feel as you didnt have a proper break you still love him and you havent had closure of your relationship. What you must understand is that you will always love him, that love will never go away, you’ll just not not be IN love with him. Though you’ll probably disagree at the moment and all the crying and thinking about him shows that you still are in love with him. Have you spoken to him about how you feel? Is there a chance he still feels the same way. After about 6 months my bf moved back to near where I live and we decied to meet up and talk about things, I still loved him, but then I kissed him and it just wasnt the same, the sparks werent there that were always there before. Thats when I realised I was not IN love with him anymore though I would always have a place in my heart for him. Meeting up with him gave me closure so now I can get involved and have full relationships with other guys.

Hope this helps 🙂

[js1585]

Hey,
thought i’d give your post a reply, in the past iv asked guys out and in a perfect situation like the post before me said you could ask out this person that you really like. Though in this situation I’d be far more inclined to be extremely carely and subtle about liking him. Like you said he is your coach and if he isnt interested then you still have to see him when he come to coach it could be awkward. Also he has just had a major break up where although he proabably will resent his ex-gf for cheating on him that still doesnt take away the strong feelings he has for her, and you don’t want to end up being used as the rebound girl.
I think with your coach you should take baby steps, just have one on one conversations see what you have in common make eye contact, see if you get the right signals. Does he coach anywher else? perhaps you could offer to coach with him and so you could spend more time with him. Doing more stuff with him one on one will show you how much you like, and you’ll get to know him more and more. Then if you think your getting the right signals and its practically a sure thing, go for it! Guys like a bold girl and they often take a while to realise they like someone and to get the courage to ask them out.

Hope this helps 🙂

[js1585]

Hey, it sounds like you need to speak to her and find out how she really feels. It sounds like she keeps making excuses for why she cannot meet you. You should give her a call and ask her to tell you the truth whether she still wants to get back with you or not. It would be better for you to know than to waste more time over her, maybe if finally met up to sort out things and if she doesn’t want to get back with you then, treat the whole situation as closure, your previous relationship with her sounds like fantastic, though like you said it is in your past. Possibly you should close that section of your life and have a fresh start, go out and meet new people. Though it’s all up to you what you do.

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