[April Masini, your AskApril]

Hi Lidya,

If you sincerely feel as you described, you do not need me to advise you.

The solution is very simple. And you know exactly what it is: You need to break it off. Recommit to your marriage. And (this time) keep the promise you made yourself the last time you broke it off, by never doing it again.

However, just because something is simple does not make it easy.

Frankly, this is not about a lack of strength. It is about a lack of commitment to a decision. Assuming your post is a truthful depiction of how you feel. Commit to your stated desire, “I want to leave,” and follow through.

If your post is not a truthful depiction of how you feel — stop lying to yourself — and own it.

Acknowledge and accept yourself for who you are. Be honest with yourself. You are not “trapped”. No one is forcing you to do what you are doing. You are making the decision to do it.

You are still in this relationship because you value being in it more than you value ending it, to be faithful.

That being said, nothing good comes out of beating yourself up about the past. You cannot change who you decided to be during that time, any more than you can undo the things you elected to do for those six years.

The decisions you made and the actions you took are now part of your history. And, there is no rewriting history.

What you can do is make a decision — right now — about who you want to be going forward.

If you really feel what you are doing is wrong. Stop doing it.
If you truly “feel anger (at yourself) for betraying such an innocent person”. Stop betraying him.
If you are not proud of who you see looking back at you in the mirror. Stop being that person.

Become a person you can feel proud of.

Each of us can decide at any given moment to become someone different.
Each of us can decide to behave differently today than we did yesterday.
We can all choose to change our lives.

The question is, who do you want to be…

Follow me on https://www.instagram.com/aprilmasini2024/ — https://x.com/AprilMasini

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Listen to your intuition.

You said three things that tell me that he has not been taken by ICE; he is not dead or hospitalized in a coma.

* “My number is blocked, or he’s changed his number. Straight to voicemail.”
* “Texts on read.”
* “Logged into WhatsApp 2 days ago, and his account was there and active that day.”

What you have experienced is heartbreaking. It is also evidence of someone who wanted out of a relationship, without going through a breakup.

Be that because he is ill-equipped to handle what a breakup involves, like watching you suffer up close and personal when he tells you — or because he simply wants an easy way out — or because he simply is an uncaring, selfish ass — or because he’s a coward….

Whatever the reason, he left you and then took steps to disconnect himself from your life.

Now, I have an important question, and I want you to really think about your answer.

Why do you think it is okay for someone to treat you this way?

I am asking you very seriously.

You have listed nearly a dozen things one might do to communicate with him, see him, or get his attention — all in the hopes of changing his mind and getting him back.

WHY?

What you are doing is placing this man on a pedstool as if he were some great prize.

If he is sitting way up there — on this high pedestal — where does that put you?

That’s right. Beneath him.

Do you believe this behavior is the best you can ever hope for?

Because I sure as heck do not believe that.

You asked for my advice, here it is.

Put on your big girl panties and show that fool what he lost. Stop crying over someone who does not deserve you crying over them.

Decide who you are and what you want your life to stand for. Then get out there and make it happen.

I want you to make it very clear TO YOU that you are not some disposable, desperate, and needy girl.

You are a High Value Woman.

And, let’s be very clear: A High-Value Woman will have nothing to do with a man who has demonstrated Low-Value Behavior.

When someone shows you who they are. Believe them.

Words can deceive and manipulate, but actions never lie.

The one way I can almost guarantee he’ll attempt to come back is by you demonstrating to him, the world — and most of all, to yourself — that you deserve more and better.

And then, prove it.

Be her. Be that woman. …and never look back. (Perverbally and literally)

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Aida, my apologies for the delayed response.

Sexual assault is a very serious thing, and before I can offer a suggestion, I have some questions.

First, how are you feeling physically and emotionally?

Have you spoken to anyone about this? Have you considered reporting the assault ?

Have you seen your boyfriend since this happened — and do you still consider him your boyfriend?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Hi Nick!

I’m going to ask you a few questions. I won’t tell you what your problem is. Nope. You’ll figure it out yourself just by answering the question. The clarity you seek is in the truth you’ve been avoiding. THE DAY YOU ARE HONEST WITH YOURSELF IS THE DAY YOUR LIFE BEGINS. So, to the questions:

When you think of your soulmate, who do you think of?

What does she looks like?

What does she do for job?

What are her hobbies?

How old is she?

Where does she live?

What are her values?

What are her goals?

What role does family, community, or spirituality play in her life?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Thanks for clearing that up, honey.

You didn’t answer the part I asked where you found them. Please tell me.

But I believe you’re focused on the wrong thing.

There is a big issue in your marriage, that need be addressed.

Let’s focus on your marriage. Let’s know where it stands. Before talking about another man.

So, where did you find them, Catalina?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Hi Catalina!

You found him with another girl but you can’t confront him because you don’t have evidence. What do you mean by you don’t have evidence?

What did you find him doing with another girl? Did you catch them holding hands? Kissing? Having sex? Just talking?

Where did you find them? The balcony? The living room? The Bedroom?

I need to know exactly what you saw before I can address the rest of your story.

I hope to hear from you soon❤️

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Should I keep waiting or let her go?

How exactly did you, as a teenager, end up in a “relationship” with a woman twice your age?

Your profile says you’re 18. She’s somewhere between 33 and 40.

You say this started three years ago.

Do the math.

You were 15!

What kind of future were you planning as a 15-year-old kid with a grown woman in her thirties? Did you two discuss retirement plans? College funds? Come on.

You were a teenager. A kid. She was a grown woman.

I’m not blaming you here, but this was NOT a normal relationship. You were a kid who got sexually and emotionally exploited for three years, and when she was done with you, she moved on.

You want proof? Here it is…….she didn’t say goodbye. People who care don’t disappear.

What you’re feeling right now, the pull, the doubt, the “maybe it was real”, that’s how victims feel about abusers. Every time!

They make you feel special. Older. Smarter. Chosen. Like you’re winning some secret game.

But you were the game. You were being played.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The worst thing you can do in a relationship is deny your pain.

That said, I need to ask some questions to gain a better understanding of your situation.

What’s the age gap between you two?

How long have you been together?

What exactly do you mean by a long term relationship? Are you married?

How long have you been feeling this way?

No big dramas? Okay tell me about the small dramas. Those “small” things are often the silent killers in relationships.

You asked “Is it possible to be in a “good” relationship that’s actually wrong for you?”

That leads me to my final question. If you had to paint a picture of your ideal relationship, what would be different?

Your answers are gonna tell me everything I need to know if this is a normal relationship slump or a deeper sign that something is fundamentally missing?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If I’m gonna take time out of my day to help you, you better spare 30 seconds of yours to fill out the application form.

They help me understand your situation.

Right now, I would like to know your age and your professor’s but your form says you’re both 19-25. Both of you? You AND your professor? I doubt that.

I would also like to know if you or your professor has kids. You filled in “None” but how do I know that’s true if you can’t even fill the age correctly?

Okay, you want him to divorce his wife.Have you actually asked him about it? What does HE want?

Is this relationship even allowed at your school? Last I checked, most universities frown upon professors dating students

Has he introduced you to any of his friends or colleagues as his girlfriend?

Does he complain about his wife to you? Are you STILL his student?

You’ve got a lot of questions to answer before I give you any advice.

But spoiler alert: you’re probably not gonna like it.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

1.⁠ ⁠Is it safe to text a nude to your new BF, exclusive boyfriend or relationship partner ?

Whenever you transmit something — and it leaves your hands — there is risk involved. The risk of texting a nude photo to your partner has to do with human error and with privacy issues that are part of using the internet. For instance, human error means you accidentally hit “reply all” when you only meant to reply with a nude to your partner. Now, your private image has gone public. With the internet, it’s hard to know who will wind up seeing something that you’re texting as private. Typically, someone other than you owns the system you’re using to transmit — whether it’s an app, an email server or a your office network server. Whether or not those companies and business can gain access to your private photos of your private parts, is hard to say. What is not hard to say is that risk is involved.

The other safety issue has to do with what your partner, who receives that nude text, does with it. An innocent problem might involve your partner leaving his or her phone open and his or her kids, parents, colleagues and friends seeing your private image. A less innocent problem is called revenge porn, and it’s what a partner does with your nude texts, after you break up and your partner is angry, vindictive and looking for revenge, so they post your nude images for the public. While this is illegal in many states, the law doesn’t prevent it from happening. It just punishes the perpetrator, so you may still find yourself with a dilemma.

Lastly, you may send a nude image to a partner — and shock them. They may not be ready for this behavior or this type of gesture. Not everyone is into sharing nude images — or sharing them too soon in a relationship. If you’re sharing the image to move things along, understand that risk. You may be pushing too much too soon. So, try to to figure out if your partner is the right audience for this type of nude image text.

2.⁠ ⁠Is it safe to text a nude to someone you’re seeing casually?

Texting nudes to someone you’re seeing casually is risky because you don’t have the same loyalty and commitment that you have with someone you’re in a monogamous, committed relationship. Therefore, you don’t have the same security of knowing that they’ll protect your privacy as you’d like it to be protected. When you’re dating someone for longer, you know them better, and you know that you can trust them — or not. Casual dates, you just don’t have the history and knowledge to trust them as much.

Also, when you text nudes to someone you’re seeing casually, you may be sending them a message that is misconstrued. Sending nudes after one or two dates doesn’t really imply you’re in this for the long run — and that’s fine, if that’s what you intend to convey.

Everyone likes to be liked.
Follow me on Instagram @AprilMasini2024 and Twitter X @AprilMasini

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Should I keep waiting or let her go?

Hi Daniel!

Please clarify for me. Your profile says you are currently 18. Is that correct?

Please tell me how old you were when your relationship first began and how old she was (her approximate age is fine).

And, when you say “we were in a relationship for three years,” Please also clarify for me: Were you both living in Miami during those three years — or — was it a long distance relationship?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

“Something doesn’t feel right”, “I want us to feel close again”, “we don’t talk about sex no more”

What do you mean by those?

Hi!

I’m glad to know my tips and advice have been helpful to you.

But before I can answer your question you need to answer mine.

Starting with the form you didn’t fill

becauses I’d like to know how old the both of you are,

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Don’t waste my time!

How can you tell me in your profile that you have no child when your entire question is based on your husband changing since you had your child?

If you have a real question, I am willing to help but don’t fabricate situations like this.

I have people I need to help. People with real problem.


[April Masini, your AskApril]

Hi Allen

Before I can help you, I need you to clarify a few things.

You said “One minute they’re invested” What’s YOUR definition of “invested”? How many dates does it take before you consider someone invested? Two? Five? Twenty?

Then you said, “Is it just enjoying the benefits without wanting the responsibility?” What do you see as the benefits they’re enjoying, and how do you think they’re dodging the “responsibility” part?

And lastly, you said “They pull away like commitment is dangerous.” How many dates equal commitment for YOU?

Your answers will give me the insight I need to help you

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Hi Belle!

How long have you two been dating? By private, what do you mean? Do you only have private meetups? If yes, what do these private meetups consist of? Is he just not showing you off to his friends and family, and everything else is fine?

The fact that you are asking the question leads me to believe you are not happy about the situation: is he aware of how you feel? Has he asked you to be exclusive?

If you can answer these questions, I’ll be able to give you a clear and more personalized response.

[Member]

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