[jaz1118]

Thank you so much for your help. I guess I just didn’t know how to know whether he was truly over her. In our two years of being together he has brought her up several times, mostly if we were somewhere where he remembered something (usually a fight since they apparently fought a lot). But I also understand that they were a part of each others lives for four years and he’s lived in the same town so he told me that he was over it but it’s just there’s reminders of those times all around him. So we are planning moving in together and I think maybe it would be best to start in a new town where we can build our own memories.i also have another question, there are a few things his mom made for him like this quilt she had made when he first became a volunteer firefighter. On the backside it has photos of him and her together. Do you think it would be too much to ask for him to not put it up in our new place, its currently pinned on the wall in the office room in his parents house. I don’t feel very comfortable with it, not for him to get rid of it but maybe keep it in a different spot?

[jaz1118]

yes it does totally make sense. He is that way, he is a very emotional person. It is easy for me to worry and feel i am competing with the memory of someone else since he mentions these things every so often in conversation. I wrote because i wanted to know your opinion on the topic as to whether this is something he seems to not be over, and for me it was never an issue until that conversation came up. I spoke to a therapist about this once and she said that in our world now, marriage doesn’t hold the same value it used too and for him he did go through a divorce, just not a technical “divorce”. Which makes sense, i have very traditional values where marriage is a big deal, but in a world where divorce is so prevalent and marriage comes as casually as anything, its hard to understand those ideas.

[jaz1118]

I also didn’t mean it as giving him an ultimatum, but i meant what should i do to help him truly get over it.

[jaz1118]

Thank you for your reply! The previous post was with another ex girlfriend of his. I worked through that and realized that i was overreacting and it was not ok for him to reach out to her, but i understood why. This newest question was referring to another ex girlfriend of his, his first. She had never come up until recently which was when he stated the whole “divorce” issue. So my question was referring to a whole different situation. I just wanted your opinion on the fact that he considered it a divorce instead of just a breakup. 😕

[jaz1118]

ok done! thank you 😀

[jaz1118]

I am a 22 year old woman and my boyfriend is 26. We have been together a little over 2 years now. A while back we were having a good conversation just talking about anything and everything. Somehow we got into to conversation of his 21st birthday when he told me it was the worst year of his life, he told me it was when him and his high school girlfriend broke up, she ended it after 4 years. I felt bad for him but i also felt there was a lot of emotions still there. He then said that he knew what it was like for people who have divorced and that even though they were not married or lived together or shared money, he still felt he went through a divorce. I think that him saying this kind of made me feel that he doesn’t take an actual marriage seriously if he considers himself divorced. I though it was rather dramatic, and it really upset me. So when it came up again he said that i just don’t understand because i haven’t gone through that. I wish i could just tell him something to make him see that it was his first girlfriend and it ended and he needs to get over it and that in no way did he go through a divorce. Am i being dramatic or is this something he doesn’t want to let go of?

[jaz1118]

Thank you for your help! At the time she came along we were already in a monogamous relationship. He is my first serious relationship and I guess I was just thrown off at the time because our relationship was fairly new and the most disturbing part to me was that she was his ex. Although I do know they weren’t physically involved because she lived about 6 hours away at the time until recently she contacted him when she moved back. I agree I got too involved but I went into defense mode.

[jaz1118]

Thank you for your reply. I agree that I got too involved. But he is my first serious relationship. At the point when she came into the picture we were monogamous.i guess I was just confused as to why and what was going on. I know they weren’t physically involved because she lived about 6 hrs away at the time. Until recently she moved back. But she was an ex gf of his and I guess that’s why the whole situation really bothered me. Thank you for your advice! ☺

[jaz1118]

Also. She has a bf now that she’s been with since the beginning of this year I believe. (From her fb)

[jaz1118]

Also. She has a bf now that she’s been with since the beginning of this year I believe. (From her fb)

[jaz1118]

I am 22 and he is 26

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