[PennyLane]

A very close friend of mine is going through something very similar to this. There’s no child in the equation for her so it’s easier, but she’s not sure if she’s still in love with her ex or not. This is the advice I gave her, and from what you’ve written about your ex, it sounds like it’ll really apply to you as well. If you are having doubts about your marriage, don’t take your ex into consideration. First just look at what you and your husband have. Is the problem that you just really don’t love your husband, or is the problem that you think you just love your ex more? If you imagine your situation without your ex involved and you still aren’t happy, then I would say you should maybe go to marriage counseling with him to try and talk things out for the sake or your daughter, or leave him. My parents got married because my mom got pregnant with me and I would much rather have grown up with two divorced parents that were happy then the way things were with them being miserable all the time and feeling like it was my fault. It’s not fair to you, your husband, or your daughter to have a loveless marriage in your home. However, if you try seeing someone about it together so that you can both try and work through things, that might help.

Now, if you imagine your situation without your ex and you feel better about your husband, then I wouldn’t leave him. The last thing you want to do is leave your husband and then get burned by this other guy again. Your ex only seems to be around when you have other plans or when his other plans don’t work out. He left you for another woman and when she wasn’t what he thought she’d be he went back to you. He was planning on leaving you for a job without trying to make a commitment then as soon as he found out you had someone else, that’s when he panicked and wanted to keep you around. If he really wanted to be with you he should have made those decisions before he felt replaceable, not just as a means of keeping you from going somewhere else. Marriage should be a bout love, not about keeping you under wraps.

What’s more is that after he wanted that commitment from you he then backed out of it. He seems like the typical “only wants what he can’t have” kind of guy. I know the two of you have a lot of history and you care very deeply for him, but he does not seem worth the sacrifice of ruining your family. If you think you can never be happy with your husband then you should not be with him, but don’t leave him for this other guy.

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